I'm starting my own blog. There. I did it. The other one never felt like it was completely me. I wanted to post stuff but I didn't feel free to because it was open to everyone. This blog is really going to be designed as an online diary and will readable to invited guests only :)
I stopped blogging last November. Right when things started getting really hard. And I feel the need to write this down or else I will forget all the crazy things that happened this past year. In September of 2011, I had surgery. A Hysteroscopy with Laproscopy to be exact. The surgery itself wasn't that bad. It was actually a relief to think that maybe things might be fixed up finally. But let me back up a smidge. I knew things weren't working right when I got my first period back when Kira was right about 1 year old. That was late summer, 2010. They were very painful periods, but almost no blood. Unusual, I thought, but when I asked my OBGYN, I was told this could be my new normal because "your body changes after you have a baby." Okay. That didn't sit well with me. I think I knew deep down that it wasn't right. So I went to a different OB in the same practice. He told me the same thing. Finally, the 3rd Doctor (who coincidentally happened to be the same one who performed the 2nd D&C after the 2nd hemorrhage) gave me a tentative diagnosis. Asherman's. But we couldn't finalize the diagnosis because I needed more testing to confirm if it was, in fact, what I had.
So I found an OBGYN in NJ because during this year-long process we moved. She did some tests but I needed to be seen by a Doctor, she said. So I saw a Doctor. He said I needed a hysteroscopy and he could do it or I could go to a specialist to have it done. Tom and I decided to go to a specialist. And that is where the story picks up...Sept 2011. I Met with the specialist who determined through multiple tests that I did indeed have Ashermans. He performed the surgery with another doctor and I got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, I miscarried 5 weeks in, right after Thanksgiving. It was really hard but I had hope. We were told to try again. Several months went by and nothing. So the "super" specialist decided I should take Clomid. This was their normal course of action to take with a woman experiencing infertility. But in my case, I wasn't exactly infertile, and it was not the best thing to do because it thins the uterine lining. I got pregnant with 3 babies in my March cycle 2012. None of them made it. Maybe the uterine lining was too delicate or over-thinned from the Clomid. Who knows. My body never miscarried them. A "missed" miscarriage. I was given medicine to help me miscarry but it didn't work. A week later I was given a double dose of this medicine but still it didn't work. So after all this , I had to have another D&C. This would be my 3rd time. June 1, 2012. Now, as I write this, it is almost October and blood tests show I still have low levels of HCG (pregnancy hormone) in my bloodstream. For now I am avoiding another surgery because my level is going down, albeit slower than expected.
God has definitely been pulling me closer to Him through my special trial. This trial was specially designed just for me. I don't know why yet that it was given to me, but I am learning to be thankful, even in hard times.
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